That was me, but more than one year ago:
Soon, they (the government) won’t be able to blame the previous Hariri policies, and as time progresses, their argument against the previous Hariri policies will weaken. They are in charge now, and responsible for steering the economy, cleaning up the state and politics from corruption. It goes without saying that the new lineup could ultimately end up in an explosive manner.
I must admit, I didn’t expect the government to be that bad, and the country to be falling apart as it is now. The government was supposed to contain political parties that defend the ‘vulnerables’, ‘deprived’, ‘socialism’ as featured by their names, or just do ‘Reform and Change’!
Funny, none of that has happened, so I decided to summarize this cabinet’s achievements; let’s take them by ministry and review what happened in each discipline.
Prime Minister – Najib Mikati: all what I know is that he heads a ‘Glory Movement’. That must be something by itself.
Deputy Prime Minister – Samir Mouqbel: never heard of him at this cabinet. Is he still there?
Minister of Interior and Municipalities – Marwan Charbel: bank robberies, armed conflicts, roads blockages, assassination attempts, kidnappings etc.
Minister of Environment – Nazim Khoury: river colourings, public green space bonfires and Mediterranean dumping. Littering and fly tipping in every possible empty space.
Minister of Finance – Mohammad Safadi: 60% of 2012 has passed, and we are still debating the 2012 budget. Never mind the books for the past 6 years have not been cooked, let alone be approved and in place.
Minister of State – Ahmad Karami: not sure what he does to be honest.
Minister of Information – Walid Daouk: harassing blogs and enjoying the daily sectarianism flowing off the Lebanese mainstream media.
Minister of Education – Hassan Diab: this man has the job of confirming our history. Please doesn’t harass him with other requests.
Minister of Economy and Trade – Nicholas Nahhas: black economy is really doing well. Tyres trade is flourishing too.
Minister of Labour – charbel Nahhas: gone with the wind, he didn’t have time to achieve much.
Minister of Telecommunications – Nicolas Sehnaoui: we have Ontornet now and 0G all over Lebanon.
Minister of Culture – Gaby Layyoun: destroying all the silly thousands years old heritage in Beirut, and fixing our messed culture by adding his own twist to the history book.
Minister of Justice - Shakib Qortbawi: yes, justice is being served, the forest justice though.
Minister of Energy and Water – Gebran Bassil: no energy, no water and his wife can’t have birthday surprises. Apart from that, everything is bad.
Minister of Tourism – Fadi Abboud: one of the best tourism seasons. Add to the fact that every potential tourist is banned from coming in a way or another.
Minister of Defense – Fayez Ghosn: producing a defense strategy against aliens and UFOs. Anything else is not within his remit.
Minister of State – Salim Karam: err…ministering the state.
Minister of State – Panos Manjian: as above.
Minister of State – Marwan Kheireddin: these guys must be mates.
Minister of State – Mohammad Fneish: ah, hajj Mohammad is ministering the state, literally.
Minister of State – Nicolas Fattoush: ensuring the state is ministering illegal gravel quarries and paying their owners (himself) few millions that are enough even to lubricate their digestion.
Minister of State – Ali Qanso: errr…not sure. He is defending us from the conspiracy too.
Minister of Industry – Vrej Sabounjian: few factories burning down must be counted as achievements.
Minister of Agriculture – Hussein Hajj Hassan: as long as you are smoking Cedars, we are all doing fine.
Minister of The displaced – Alaaeddine Terro: keeping the displaced displaced so they don’t need to move again in case the war erupted soon.
Minister of Public Works and Transport – Ghazi Aridi: busy loading the sand of the public beaches away. You need to understand that these things earn fortunes, but not big ones as you think.
Minister of Social Affairs – Wael Abou Faour: at the moment, counting fellow Syrian entering the country. Too busy for other social affairs, despite we managed few kids to bear arms in Tripoli.
Minister of Health – Ali Hassan Khalil: encouraging a healthy alternative to smoking, black tyres smoke.
Minister of Foreign Affairs – Adnan Mansour: successfully defending the Middle East from conspiracy originating in another galaxy in the universe
Minister of Sports and Youth – Faisal Karami: banning the youth from sports events, so Emirs are not upset. Two stones in one bird. Ah, no, two birds in one stone.
These ministers must celebrate daily the democracy that keeps such government running.